Whats With That?!

I have been housesitting since sometime around last July. It was a bit daunting, throwing caution to the wind and having no fixed abode. I was fortunate enough to have to amazing backup plans – my daughter and her family, in Brisbane, who I had, up until then been living with, and my awesome friend, Karen and her family, who lived on the Sunshine Coast, which was where I

was heading.

There was also the fear of ‘going it alone’ again. After all, it hadn’t worked so well those first few years after Butch passed away. Would I end up ‘losing myself’ again, or struggling to look after and nurture me? So many questions and so many ‘I don’t know’ answers!

Having always been a ‘list’  person, who planned everything down to the last possible item, I hoped housesitting might encourage me to be a bit more spontaneous.

I had been wanting to do it for quite some time, but needed to make sure that I procured a job first, because, that’s how I roll… It seemed exciting and scary in alternate doses, especially staying with someone other than a family member. I had had a pretty daunting experience several years ago, while staying with a friend, and wasn’t sure if I wanted this friendship to end in a similar vein. There is nothing like projecting a past misfortune on a current one, even though so much of it was going to be entirely different…but hey, we all tend to do that.

My first night with Karen, Johno and their family, was nerve-racking…for about five minutes! They made me feel so welcome. I was made to feel like part of the family, right down to the teasing and ribbing that families do when you visit.

I had only been up on the Coast for five weeks, when I received an email to say the company I worked for could no longer afford to employ me. I must admit this was the first time I had ever lost a job I loved, so it was tempting to just pack it in and go back to the way it was. Tempting as it was, I persevered, telling myself that if things hadn’t improved by December, I would leave.

It has been four months, I don’t have a job, and I am trying to exist on a benefit. Not quite what I had in mind when I moved here…

The first housesit I did was perfect; they appreciated everything I did, their pet and I bonded to the point that I cried as I left after two weeks…

There have been quite a few since then, full of highs, lows, disasters, frustration, peace, relaxation, nature, stamina, energy….

I have adapted to the lifestyle quite well, and have quickly become ‘in demand’ as word of what I do spreads. However, there are always drawbacks. It can be quite lonely sometimes. Sure there is a pet to keep me company, but sometimes I crave a good chat…and dare I say it, even a hug…

I am fortunate that Karen and I spend time together, chatting, planning our classes and working with our pamper packages, but I don’t want her to feel she needs to boost me, or that she’s my only port of call. If there is a long break between housesits, I will go and visit my family in Brisbane, but there is this empty feeling that kinda settles on and around me sometimes.

I have always been the odd man out, even as a child. I was the weird, kooky, non conformist strange girl that never quite fit in. That didn’t change, even as a young adult. I met Butch and he accepted me as I was and helped me to embrace it, instead of rejecting who I really was. I didn’t have to try and fit in any more, after all Butch thought I was okay, and that was good enough for me. We weren’t the most sociable of couples, preferring to spend the majority of our time together at home.

After Butch passed, being a widow brought another aspect of ‘being an outsider’ into my life. Not only had I lost my main cheerleader, but I suddenly became the ‘Watch out, she’s a widow now. She’ll probably steal your husband’ variety of outcast. Firm friends became fast friends, as they sped out of my life. They weren’t the only ones to give me a wide berth, women would eye me suspiciously as I spoke to their men. *sigh* I understand that everyone wants to be in a couple (except me) and hold onto what they have…but it doesn’t mean I am interested in having what you’ve got.

We had an awesome relationship, so looking for someone else isn’t in my plan right now. I sometimes feel as if there is life after Butch, but it is such a slow and painful process, I wonder if I will actually survive it long enough to notice. 

I embraced my psychic-ness not long after and oh boy!, I wasn’t prepared for the way people would view me from that perspective as well. However, there are just as many people out there who accept that side of me, and I am willing to share…

This morning as I was walking, I was pondering on life in general. I came to the conclusion that housesitting has actually compounded my loneliness. I’m not in one place long enough to make friends and socialise, to join a club, or even a yoga group.

I broke my little toe about a month ago – this is the third time in eight years that I have broken this same toe. I have knocked it continuously during this time, so it is still red, swollen and has a slight twist to it now.

My belief is that any injury or illness is a reflection of our emotions and energy. So, what does a small toe on a right foot mean to me. Well, the right side of our body is connected to our action/movement, so clearly I am not ‘stepping’ in the direction I want to.

A little toe, well, that is all about ‘connection’. I am feeling disconnected from the rest of the world, my old friends, a job, my family (by distance), myself, the ability to do what I truly want – thanks to a lack of funds.

To fix my issue with this toe, I don’t need to ‘make up’ with my old friends, but I do need to start looking at how I can connect, to make a bigger effort than I have done. I need to stop expecting things to change just because I’m not happy about them. I need to change my view on life, declutter what isn’t working for me and begin to see things with fresh eyes.

On the bright side, being unemployed and housesitting has enabled me to focus more on my writing. I have also learned I don’t need a lot of possessions to make me happy – everything I need, including a massage table and two cases of massage towels, doesn’t even fill my car to the brim.

What to do next? Hmm, I have no idea. However, I am going to say that being aware of the problem is a 'step' in the right direction

Keeping it real...

I saw the most amazing thing this morning. I was stuck in traffic near a park for quite a while. I was watching this young man practising shooting hoops. He didn't just stand in one place while he threw the ball. Oh no, he was competing against an entire team. He was grabbing the ball, intercepting it from up high, turning his back so he could block the other player, fighting to get his arms up above the rest of the team. He was continually on the move and definitely the best player there...Actually, he was the only player there.
What I loved about watching him, was that he was living his dream. He wasn't just shooting hoops, he was 'in the game', in the zone' and 'in his dream'. He knew that people driving or walking by could see him, but he wasn't focused on what other people thought or said. His intent was completely on being the best basketball player ever.
As I drove off, I couldn't help thinking I should have paid more attention to what he looked like, so that when he achieves his dream, I will be able to say 'I knew he would!'
How often do we only air part of our dreams and aspirations, in case others make fun of us or tell us we're wrong? And how often do we just step boldly into our dream, without worrying or seeing what is happening on the outer limits?
...food for though, isn't it?

Awesome is as Awesome Does

I want to share a story with you about something that happened to me this week. On Monday a customer came into work and he was introducing himself to our new staff members. They asked him what he thought of me. He pointed over and told them jokingly, that I was 'Grumpy Smurf'.
Well, I was devastated. My ego was crushed and my feelings were in tatters. I pride myself on always being cheerful, on always making customers happy, feel good about doing business with me and I always, always provide the best customer service I can. It doesn't matter what mood I am in or what is going on in my life, I always ensure the customer never suspects and I treat them as if they are the most important person on the earth until they leave.
I'm sure he was only trying to be funny, but some of my workmates thought there might be an 'element of truth' to what he said and there was a little teasing went on behind the scenes.
That night I asked family and a couple of friends if they had ever known me to be grumpy. They did say that I sometimes had my cranky pants on, but when I did, I would withdraw until I was feeling more balanced and it was only because they knew me so well, that they recognised what I was doing.
By Thursday morning, I had had enough of the not so subtle jokes. When my supervisor called me into their office, saying 'Come on Grumpy Smurf, lets talk about this.... Oh my goodness, that's so funny, I think that name is going to stick!', I knew it had gone on for long enough.
I pulled myself up tall and said to her 'If you want grumpy, you just keep on calling me grumpy, because what you say about me and what you believe about me is who I will become. I believe I chose my attitude every hour of every day. I choose to be awesome. I choose to give awesome service to my customers and they all get exactly that!'
On the way home I was thinking about this 'conversation'. How often do we hear others talking about us, or allow them to 'label' us in such a way that we eventually become what they believe us to be? How often does someone who is told they are lazy start acting lazy. How many times does the weird person stay weird, or the 'no hoper' remain that way? Unless we have the fire and determination to stand up and say 'This is not my story. This is not who I am!', we can easily self fulfill the prophecy of perception of those around us.
So next time someone labels you, ask yourself 'Is this who I am?' and if the answer is no, either prove them wrong by showing them who you truly are, or speak your truth so they are left in no doubt that they are wrong.
And take a moment to look at your self talk...are you putting yourself down? Are you belittling yourself or failing to see how awesome you really are? What you think about yourself is who you will become....always, but always, choose 'awesome'!
Stay true to you
~ Cherie ~

Energy is as Energy Does

Today is day One of my 21 day challenge. Everyone seems to have one of these challenges at the moment, so I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I'm not doing it for that reason, it is more about challenging myself. I've decided writing a blog daily for 21 days is to be mine. Why 21 days? Well, I read somewhere it takes 21 days to build a habit and I want to see if at the end days I have.
The difficulty will be finding something specific to write about in this time period. No pressure!
Today has been a weird day for me. I woke up alive and kicking, so to speak. I was bouncing with life and ready to face my day. By about 2:00pm, I had lost that feeling. I was exhausted, jaded and ready for bed.
I went shopping and found I barely had the energy to conduct intelligent conversation. Words just didn't seem to flow as smooth as they always do for me. It felt as if my mask had slipped and with it, any pretense that I was happy and carefree.
The energy around us at the moment is changing ever so quickly, sometimes subtly, sometimes not. This week has been a tough one as my emotions and body have been trying to adjust. I alternate between tears flowing unbidden down my cheeks to racing around dancing to music as it blasts from my stereo. That probably sounds normal to anyone else, but I usually have a reasonably tight hold on my tears and only allow them when it's convenient and I'm out of sight. That's where my mask comes in. It covers and comforts me as I convince myself and others that everything is going well.
As an empath, I pick up on everyone else's 'stuff' as well and, as my energy fluctuates dramatically in this way, it can sometimes be difficult to work out what is mine and what belongs to others.
It takes a lot of inner strength to sit and allow what I'm feeling or thinking to just 'be', to acknowledge and be grateful for these sensations. Any other time it would be the best thing in the world, given that I do psychic readings, but right now I find it more than a little distracting.
I read somewhere that the energy changes we are experiencing are about recalibrating our spirit within this physical form. After reading the symptoms, light-headedness, fatigue, cravings, broken sleep, I could identify with this information...and after all it was synchronistic that I stumbled across it, so I know I was meant to understand what is happening to me.
Perhaps you too have been going through some awkwardness, a feeling of not quite belonging in a place where you have felt safe and warm all these years. It's comforting to know others are experiencing it too, isn't it?
The challenge is in allowing, in trusting and in loving yourself and everything about you, even when things are feeling askew.
xx

Lose yourself in the joy of the moment...

I started learning belly dancing sometime late last year. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to learn this style of dance. It 's lots of fun, even though I’m finding it difficult to get a handle on the moves. I am fond of telling friends and family everyone else is ‘elegant’ while I feel more like ‘elephant’!

My problem is I over think too much instead of getting lost in the music and just moving. It’s definitely not a reflection on Em and Barb, the instructors. They're so patient and I love going to class; in fact it’s the highlight of my week. During the lesson I’m happy, carefree and inevitably, the class clown!

I was lying in bed the day after class and wondered why I felt so up and pumped afterwards. I usually come home with a huge grin on my face, telling everyone how amazing it was, how much fun I have and the joy I get from being around a group of happy, smiling other ladies. I realised it is during that hour I can let my guard down and be me. There’s nothing stopping me from being me any other day of the week…except me and the limitations I put on myself.

I am a perfectionist, so I get annoyed I can’t do all the moves perfectly, even though I’m only a beginner. No one else expects me to have all the moves worked out yet…just me!

I wonder why we (and I really mean ‘me’ here) are so hard on ourselves. We didn’t learn to walk or talk overnight and yet we get frustrated or give up when we are learning a new skill that takes time to develop. Is it because we live in an instant society, where food comes already prepared, or we can ask the doctor to prescribe a pill to alleviate a symptom without having to look at our lifestyle? Is it because others have been hard on us in the past and we've taken on board their belief systems or judgements? Or is it purely because we listen to that silly voice in our head that tells us we aren’t good enough or learning fast enough? Were there unrealistic expectations when we were children?

The other day I showed my daughter some of the moves I’d learnt. She told me she could tell the moment I started to think, the moment I stopped believing I could actually show her. One minute I was fluid and the next I was rigid and unbending – not really a good look for such flexible dance moves. I knew she was right; one minute I was at one with the music and next thing I knew the voice in my head said, ‘Yeah, well it looks okay, but you’re not doing it perfect!’

The thing is, belly dancing lessons is just a great way to have fun, to support and be supported by other women as we learn, to share joyful energy. Not once was I told there would be a test at the end of it, so why am I putting myself under so much pressure to be perfect?

Well, ‘Enough!’ is what I have to say to that snippety voice! I am doing way better than I was last year and I have grasped some of the moves and besides no one else is judging me besides that little voice. Everyone else tells me I’m improving and that should be enough. Anyway, when did the voice inside my head become an expert – did she learn to be an expert belly dancer while I wasn’t looking?

I have come to the conclusion that I do this with almost everything I do and it is time to learn the lesson, the one that impacts on a lot of my life, preventing me from just letting go and doing what comes naturally. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to me...the me that's doing whatever activity I choose. I watched a video today on youtube that Yvonne Anderson had put up. She said we should live life like a musical instead of the alternative...in my case a documentary! This comment really resonated! Ahh! The freedom of a musical.....!!

Tonight I went along to watch the advanced group perform and it was not only impressive, but it was a heap of fun. The joy of the dance was evident on everyone’s face. Not one of them was pulling faces as they listened to Ms Snippety. They were in the moment, sharing the happiness and it was an uplifting experience. I stood there with a silly grin on my face as I watched.

As I drove home I decided that from now on that’s what I want to do, be present in the music and not in my head…I want to have that much fun…and one day, I want to be dancing in front of a group of people and sharing the joy and happiness of enjoying something you love to do!

PS. The class is every Tuesday night in Manly. (Brisbane).If you’d like to meet some wonderful people while having a fantastic time, email Barb or Em (Taroonas Belly Dancing) taroonasbellydance@gmail.com

Funny that...

I was doing some random thinking the other day... about how the number three has played a big part in my life. I'm a numerologist, so these things intrigue me more than most.
My full birth date is a 9 vibration, which is 3 x 3
My Dad is born on a 27 (9), my Mum's total birth date is a 3
My ex husband was born on 27, which equals 9
We were married on a 9, separated on a 27 (9)
My son was born on a 3, my daughter was born on a 9
I met Butch on a 3
Butch was born on a 6 (2 x 3), he was diagnosed on an 18 (9) passed away on 21 (3)
The last house we lived in was a 9, prior to that we lived at 18 (9), 72 (9) 12 (3) 144 (9)  - these are the ones I remember, we lived in the country, so a lot of our addresses didn't have numbers.
We moved to Australia on a 3, in 2003
We married on a 3
I'm now living in Tingalpa and the house number is 21 (3)
I'm finding this a bit of an epiphany. As long as I can remember I have always thought I was all about being a 9, that, as 9 is all about endings (so people tend to come and go), being sensitive to others, spiritually aware and focused, being of service and being a part of the world at large....While these all ring true, the external signs/indicators I have got most of my life have slipped past me.
Although I've always been the class clown (well, until Butch passed I was), it was always a cover to hide the real me, who is shy (yes, I know, hard to believe isn't it, which goes to show how good at it I am!) and feels detached from everyone and everything, in a 'not fitting-in' kinda way. I always took life quite seriously, even when I was doing something fun, it had to be done fully and completely.
When I discovered numerology, the first thing I learnt about myself was that I march to the beat of a different drum and I breathed a sigh of relief!
Anyway, back to my 3 thinking..... 3 is all about being the life of the party, creativity, being sociable, having fun, self expression, making friends effortlessly and being curious, I realised the other day that the message I have been getting from everyone and everything along the way, was to learn how to have fun, to enjoy life as a whole, not just parts of it. So, although I am all about a 9 vibration, I am meant to fully explore my 3 side (fun) as well. I just love those Aha moments!
It's funny how I could have seen that straight away for anyone else as I did their numerology report, but for me...? ...hmm
So, how about you look at your life too and see what numbers have been prominent in your life too... If you post them to my Truth By Numbers wall on Facebook, I'll give you a quick definition.
This isn't so you sign up to my page or anything, I am just curious to know if anyone else has a similar pattern they want to share and learn from.
Numbers don't lie! x

Saying Goodbye doesn't mean forever....

For the past six weeks, this song has been haunting me.
The first time I heard it, I thought it was a lovely tune, next time I listened to the words, and had an A-ha! moment! Although it is a song about 'alive' lovers, it also resonates within my belief system. I believe there is a far bigger picture, that when we pass on we still exist, just not in the form we knew here on the earthly plane.
Since Butch has passed, I have felt him around me, noticed many synchronistic events, had proof of his presence through email, my mobile phone and other occurances in my home. (I am ever so grateful I can't feel him enough to know when he bitch slaps me when I think I don't want to live without him!)
I have always told friends if you hear a song on the radio that reminds you of someone who has passed, especially if it's not a common song, or doesn't fit with the radio playlist, you can guarantee this is a message from the other side. There are a few songs that were special to Butch and I and not popular playing, so I know he is saying Hi or I love you when I hear them.
Mind you, I'm the sort of person who will be driving in the car, mulling over a problem, needing help with the answer and will say 'Okay, the next song will help me with this problem'....and it usually does! Try it! You might be surprised!
Anyway, back to my story... This song has been playing every now and then since late August. I started waking up in the middle of the night with it rolling around in my head (and I have a theory on that too, but I don't want to get sidetracked again!). 
The last three years have been tough, losing the love of my life as well as my best friend.  For a while there, I lost my faith, I tried to stop believing there was more to life, but my spirit family wouldn't let me.  They kept making mischief, sending me signs, situations and people until I 'remembered'! 
I knew this song was relative, because there are times when it feels like I am biding my time until I meet up with Butch again.  I knew I was getting a spiritual lecture every time it came on the radio, or heard it when out shopping, but I tried to convince myself it was just a funny coincidence....unsuccessfully I might add!
The more I laughed it off, especially the timing of it, when I was feeling particularly miserable or isolated, the more it played. Two days ago, I heard it three times....same again yesterday....I woke up at 3:00am today and there it was in my head again. I got out of bed this morning and turned on the radio to hear....yep, you guessed it...Goodbye doesn't mean forever...
Okay, okay, I get it! I need to stop looking backwards at what I have lost, to remember the good times and stay focussed on why I am here, what it is I'm meant to do!
Six weeks ago when I heard this song, I thought I should do a blog about the words behind it, to give others a message it isn't really over, that our loved ones are here for us, they can communicate with us in surprising ways and even though it feels like forever before we see them again, they are still around us. I didn't do it though, did I? It has taken six weeks of being sung to in my sleep and 'nagged' via the radio to get to this point.
When you hear a song on the radio that stands out from the usual blah blah of background radio, take note of what it's about. Is it a message you need to listen to, or perhaps a 'spiritual smile and wave' through a shared song/memory? Everyone talks about seeing the same time on a clock continually that has a special significance to them, why shouldn't a song have spiritual significance?
I wonder how often we get messages or think about doing something but don't take any action, only to be reminded over and over, sometimes in the subtlest of ways, what we need to do? 
with love 'n' hugs, Cherie xx